Alright, you all want me to be predictable and give some advice for the New Year. No predictions, just plain good old advice that I would recommend you seriously take heed of. I must admit it is hard to take anything in this column seriously, but for once please take that silly smirk off your face and try to. Not only because I am not the source of what follows.
The following advice is from experience and, with sincere apologies to one Mary Schmich (Chicago Tribune, 1997) and slight modifications, it will be laid bare. In 2007 you should eat well. If I could offer only one tip for the future, eating well would be it. The benefit of food has been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me on this, in 20 years you will look back at photos of yourself and recall how fabulous you realy looked at the time. You are not as fat as you imagine, but damn it, you have aged.
Don’t worry too much about the future, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a mathematical equation by chewing gum. Real troubles are apt to ambush you at 4pm on an idle Tuesday. Do at least one thing that really scares you, like singing. Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and I bet you nothing worse will befall you for the rest of the day.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Brush your teeth. Remember compliments, forget insults. Keep old love letters. Throw away old bank statements. Exercise, a lot. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t yet know what you want to do with your life. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t know what to do with theirs.
Be kind to your knees. You will miss them when they are gone. Maybe, you will marry, maybe you won’t, and maybe you already have. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, and maybe you already have several. Maybe you’ll get divorced this year, maybe you will dance the kongonya at your 75th wedding anniversary party. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much.
Dance while you can, because you will rue the day you can’t find your feet. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. If you are a woman, do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they will be gone. Be nice to your siblings. They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you when the chips are down.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. The older you get, the more you need people who knew you when you were young. Travel. Accept these certain truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You too will get old. And you will fantasise that when you were young, prices were reasonable politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you will marry a wealth spouse. But you will never know when either of them will run out, or away. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you take, but be patient with those who give it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the rubbish bin, wiping it off and recycling it for more that it’s worth. But trust me on the food. My best wishes for the New Year go out to family and especially uTatu’ Phezulu and Auntie, who despite the fact that their legs are nearly gone with age; they still are the nicest people around. Don’ worry, Lolo will keep his promise. The rest of you can queue behind me for your share of blessings. Hola 2007!
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