I know exactly how you feel; severely hung-over. It is that feeling you feel after you felt you had to have the feeling that you never felt before. You are now counting the losses and you are classified as a casualty of your own merriment. The evidence is there in the form of the red crates piled behind the kitchen door, or the burgeoning rubbish bin, which gave way to a huge hole you dug in the garden trying to hide the fact that you had an extravagant festive season. Yes, you really overdid it this time Jeki.
What about the school fees, mfo! You should have thought of that as you sipped expensive wine like you were Bill Gates himself. What about the rent, lamanzi, lamagetsi? Don’ you feel like killing yourself? I do too! But something tells me that I have to count my blessings. The fact is that I am alive and kicking in 2007 is some mean achievement, don’t you agree? What it means, in a few words, is that you have been chosen to face the very problems mentioned above for another full year! Yeah! Aren’t you just lucky?
On the bright side think of all those things that are provided for you free of charge. Like the air you breathe, the sunshine, free entertainment in the form of chirping birds and stinging bees. And to think that you are not alone in feeling the feeling. Take comfort in the fact that a problem shared is a problem halved. And you don’t hear me taking about challenges. Whoever coined that horrible, deceptive word? A problem is a problem, period!
But then I digress. My subject matter at the beginning was that of the hangover. I did some research and came up with some interesting stuff courtesy of howstuffworks.com
It is a fact of life that hangovers have plagued people throughout history. The Bible even makes mention of the pain that follows a night of heavy drinking: "Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink" (Isaiah 5:11).
And Shakespeare knew the unwanted effects of alcohol, as shown in his play Macbeth (Act 2 scene 3):
Macduff: What three things does drink especially promote?
Porter: Marry sir, nose-painting, sleep, and urine.
It is written that it's no secret intoxication has a number of immediate negative consequences. "Among other things, it impairs judgement, it impairs the ability to do most things and it can bring on a depressed mood. But even after a drinker has sobered up, alcohol can still be causing the body trouble. More than 75 percent of alcohol consumers have experienced a hangover at least once; 15 percent have one at least every month; and 25 percent of college students feel symptoms weekly," quoteth howstuffworks.com. As if we didn’t know that already.
And of course, the New Year came with a bang. In fact, so many bangs that one felt like being caught in the middle of World War 3. I have never seen such a wild display of fireworks in my entire life! And then you have the Zimbabwe Republic Police playing the party pooper right in the midst of all of the gaiety. What in God’s name got into our inspired police force to issue a statement that fireworks were a no-no at the last minute? We were ‘urged’ to register at the nearest cop shop or else!
One would have thought instead, that a word of caution over their use was in order, seeing that one or two people nearly blew their fingers off and one was shot in the head on the eve. If they were really serious, they should have barred the sale of fireworks in the first place. If you were watching TV even the Australians, who had the privilege of being among the first to celebrate the arrival of 2007, were in on the orgy of fireworks. We wonder how many people registered, or were arrested for breaking the law. Which law for that matter?
And then we had commuter omnibus operators spoiling the party unilaterally hiking transport fares by 100% .Who do they think they are, fouling up the festive season like that? In fact it was after I overheard a driver and uwindi discussing another travesty, the rise in the bread price, that they wondered when they should take their turn to raise fares to $100,000 just like that! And to make it worse, we all lapped it up and quietly accepted the preposterous increase. When are we ever going to wake up and smell the coffee? Just you wait until they raise the fares to $200,000 then lizazibonela!
What about bread? What bread, you might ask. More precisely, bread crumbs. Try cutting it and it disintegrates into nothingness. I have even tried to glue the stuff together without much luck. And to think that bakers were awarded much more than what they were arrested for. What really troubles me is why we continue to accept this excuse for confectionary that is sold to us at extortionist prices. What happened to quality control? Where is the Consumer Council? Where is our appetite?
Finally, some sobering words of advice: If you feel the urge of taking one more drink, and that you are prone to sweating after a night out, and your mouth feels dry all the time and all you can think of is ‘One more Mr barman!’ then contact your local Alcoholics Anonymous. You are in serious need of repair.
Glossary
Jeki - slang for 'Jack'
Amanzi/amagetsi - SiNdebele for water and electricity
Uwindi - Transport touts
"Lizazibonela" - You will see (SiNdebele)
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