When I read in one edition of the Sunday magazine some time ago I was shocked to read that a local model was on the verge of great things but had hit a pothole. She could not speak a stitch of English and yet she had an O level certificate! I was tempted to hitch a lift to rural Plumtree to investigate before I had a serious rethink. What’s so particular about the English language after all?
In fact the people at Heads Modelling Agency had their priorities right. Why deny Julie an opportunity of a lifetime just because she can’t tala Engelsk? Beauty first, then communicate later, which is exactly what happened and to cap it all, the tall rural beauty is making very good progress.
With apologies to all English Language teachers, I will be the first to admit that English is indeed a foreign language to all of us. As they say in Shona, “Chakauya nengarava!” We try too hard sometimes. I mean thina amaZimbos. Have you heard what they say about our spoken skills? They say we speak English better than the English themselves!
Why are we so fussy about pronunciation, spelling grammar, pronouns, nouns, conjugating the verb and all that jazz? Life would still go on if we broke the Queen’s language here and there. Go to any other European country and you will discover that you are unlikely to be shot by firing squad if you did; decapitate the English language I mean. As long as you can get the message across it’s fine.
Just to show you that there is no stranger language that English, swallow these for size. These are signs that have been found throughout Africa;
In a restaurant in Zambia: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: “No trespassing without permission."
On a window of a Nigerian shop: “Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?
On a poster in Ghana: "Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."
In a hotel in Mozambique: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily."
On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."
In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: "Risk of electric shock. Do not activate with wet hands."
In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!"
In a cemetery in Uganda: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their graves."
In a Malawi hotel: "It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don't read this notice."
A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."
In a Namibian nightclub: "Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar."
And you thought Julie had a big problem with English, did you?
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