The Debris the World Cup left behind

The first World Cup staged in Africa is all over bar the shouting. The accolades are still pouring in about how South Africa pulled it off with FIFA boss Sepp Blatter giving them 9 out of ten on his scorecard. This flies in the face of skeptics (in Zimbabwe we call them detractors) who doubted that an African country could successfully host the world’s biggest event.

The question as to whether the hosting the event was worth it or not. The overwhelming result is that it was. Not only is South Africa endowed with world class stadia, there is other infrastructure, roads, the Gautrain and the rapid transit transport system. There is the legacy of all the sports programmes, poverty elevation initiative and education schemes that have been established in the name of soccer. Not to forget very rich sex workers.

The Mexicans and their sombreros, the Ghanaians, Nigerians, Ivoirians with their masks and drums, the Brazilians doing their samba, the Dutch smuggling in German Bavarian beer and the English, well, quaffing it in huge quantities, all added to a colourful event that will take ages to erase from the minds of many.

Vuvuzelas silenced

However, regrettable fallout from Mzansi 2010 is the fact that not many sporting disciplines will tolerate the 127 decibel horn with the persistent drone is to be banned at the Brazil 2014 World Cup. The ubiquitous vuvuzela which has spawned a culture that has changed how the game is supported forever is also to be banned by some English Premier clubs when the new season begins, the first being Tottenham Hotspur.

Arsenal, Birmingham City, Everton, Fulham, Liverpool, West Ham United and Sunderland have followed suit. Oh Bollocks!

Manchester City and Chelsea - though not encouraging their fan – have no plans to ban them. Yay! That explains why I support Chelsea, well sort of. Other sporting events where you are unlikely to hear the vuvuzela include, all golf tournaments, the 2012 London Olympics, Wimbledon tennis tournament, cricket test matches and equestrian events.

Paris blows a cloud

Paris Hilton was arraigned for questioning for dagga possession, twice. Well the second time she was caught could have been was far away from South Africa. On both occasions she has denied culpability and has got away with it. Well, even former American president admitted that he smoked grass but incredibly did not inhale.

This is indicative of two glaring facts: It seems the drug has a liking for the hotel heiress and keeps popping up wherever she is, and secondly, something strange happens to the arresting officers to the extent that they are obliged to release her.

I am sure it has nothing to do with fact that she is the daughter of one of the richest people on the planet. It’s just a coincidence. In Zimbabwe it’s called chioko muhomwe literally meaning ‘hand in the pocket.’ But I can bet that if she had been caught in Zim, she would be singing the blues at Chikurubi as we speak. If there is one thing our cops are efficient in, it’s busting people for dagga possession.

New English word Introduced - SUAREZ

As a direct result of the game between Ghana and Uruguay, and the ‘goal’ (that would have been and never was) that could have meant Africa’s only hope for World Cup Glory, a new word has been introduced in the English language.

SUAREZ (Verb) (a) To viciously and proactively inhibit or halt the progress of a person, an establishment or a nation. For example, ‘The team’s opportunity to score was SUAREZed by a member of the opposing team.’

(b) To act in a way that is deliberate and intentional, though spontaneous, yet calculated to frustrate the advancement of an adversary. For example, ‘As pressure built up in the dying moments of the game, a shot at goal was SUAREZed by an opponent standing next to the goal post.’

(Noun) (a) A state of being, where all your efforts are visibly and overtly being frustrated and impeded. For example, ‘I am in a state of SUAREZ, please don’t stress me further.’

(b) A purposeful behavior intended to disregard rules or engagement so as to prevent an opponent from eminent victory. For example, ‘The first thought that came to Fernando’s mind was to cause SUAREZ in order to save the day.’

(Adverb) Describing a frustrated state of mind where force is directed, deliberately and intentionally. For example, ‘The Uruguayan SUAREZedly prevented the ball from entering the goal posts.’

SYNONYMS; frustrate, prevent, stress, halt, oppose, challenge, resist.

ORIGIN - Root word is from the extinct Inca language meaning “an erratic young man with the tendency to frustrate the effort of all those who deal with him whether in peacetime or wartime”.

Since that time SUAREZ, the entity otherwise known as Lius, so popularly called in Ghana because of the inscription on the back of his jersey has become a household name in Ghana. Ghanaians have not been economical with their curses on him. They sleep cursing, eat cursing, walk cursing and… well.

Paul the Octopus steals the show

Who will forget the antics of Paul, the octopus that predicted the results of World Cup matches the Germans won and lost, and of course that of the final. He beat several pretenders to the throne that included an Elephant and some other creature. Well news is that the Spanish town of Carballino has given Paul the honorary citizenship. Carlos Montes, the mayor of the north-western Spanish town visited Germany to bestow the honour to the octopus.

I know what you are thinking. How can some fish get all the luck? In fact, the Germans have so jealously guarded their octopus that they have decided to retire him. Let’s hope he is not destined for some restaurant somewhere. Otherwise, the outcry would be deafening.

In Zim, we do not have octopuses. But we do have little supernatural bearded men well known for their extraordinary strength and virility. We call them ondofa or tikoloshe (goblin) to you. They will put Paul to shame any day. This however is the subject of another article.